It is therefore not surprising to see a man become tongue-tied when facing a woman he nur­tures special feelings or hopes for. Yet this does not necessarily have to constitute a handi­cap. On the contrary, women are used to males not knowing what to say in their presence and interpret this as a sign that he is interested. They may feel flattered to find out that someone is willing to take a risk and to conquer his timidity. Not only does it let him look cute or charming, it also indicates how much he cares about her. This is a great compliment he can make to a lady, bearing in mind that they would never have spoken before. It means that he must be genuinely curious and that he wishes to learn more about her.[1] What fema­les appreciate and expect in a man is that he is brave enough to break the ice. As a wise man might have said: Fear of a dame increases fear of the fling itself. Yet there is no room for fear in courtship, nor in mating. If a man does not have the guts to accost a woman although she can sense that he wants to, she will inevitably think of him as a wimp and walk away. No second chance. Likewise, employing a delaying tactic is seldom workable, as women generally have an aversion for cunctators (mind the spel­ling!). Postponing one’s move for too long can cause them to lose their patience and to nip their passion in the bud. Inversely, sending them the right signal at the right time can trigger in them feelings of physical attraction. In the words of John Gray, “many of the traditional dating rituals bet­ween men and women are really just opportunities for a woman to assess her feelings for a man.”[2] This is usually all she needs. No one says that he has to enter into a long con­versation, take her out, or invite her for dinner right after the first contact in order to be a real man. Little things such as addressing her, opening the door for her, praising her, slightly touching her, etc. are enough to raise her attention and pave the way for future interaction.

Regardless of a man’s shyness or clumsiness in front of her, she will still accept him as a potential mate as long as he is confident enough. In the words of French revolutionary Georges Danton, “we need audacity, and yet more audacity, and always audacity!”[3]. Although he probably had war and politics in mind when he summoned his fellows to be more daring, the advice is nonetheless applicable in the context of dalliance and seduction. If a man is daring enough to speak to a woman, he probably also has the courage and assu­rance to tackle the other challenges in life. As women are pulled to men with high socio-economic status and charisma[4], it seems natural that they also prefer individuals who are bold yet cool, i.e., those who shows clear signs of domi­nance.[5] Hence, the best way to stand out is to look confident – not confident in the sense of “so confident, it can’t be real”, but positive about his own strengths, appearance, person­ality, objectives, orientations, etc. In this connection, a carefree stance and the display of bravado can be helpful, if it is employed in a moderate fashion. What gentleman and sophisticated lady’s man should abstain from is any form of self-praise. A truly dominant, confident, masculine man does not need to brag in order to be seen as a potential lover or mate. Such showing-off signifies nothing else but inse­­curity and disappointment about one’s own (inferior) position in the group. More often than not, such behaviour is induced by an unconscious psychological mechanism meant to compensate for a self-perceived inferiority.[6] Further­more, since the strategy to fake confi­dence has been used and overused in the past, most human beings, especially women, are now able to easily identify pretenders.[7] Another problem with overly aggressive boasting, ostentation, or conceit is that this type of behaviour is associated with the wooing of casual sex partners rather than wives.[8] In other words, if a bachelor is seeking a permanent mate, he should better be discreet about his own achievements and status. Ultimately, his sex appeal emerges from how others see him, not from what he says about himself.

 


Notes

[1]    Gray (2009), p. 201

[2]    Ibid., pp. 160-161

[3]    Original: “De l’audace, encore de l’audace, toujours de l’audace” (sometimes also translated as “We must dare, dare again, always dare!”)

[4]    See chapters 17 “Finding a good job is nothing compared to finding a good husband” and 18 “A man of determination will surely succeed”.

[5]    Fisher (2010), p. 150

[6]    Satana (2007), p. 23

[7]    Pease / Pease (2009), p. 220

[8]    Buss (2003), p. 107

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