Chapter 25: A drop of sweat spent in a drill is a drop of blood saved in a battle – Part 3

Another reason why men and women should have sex before marriage is that practice makes perfect. At a certain age, people should find out what is going on in terms of pro­creation. The arguably best way to be kept on top of things is through “learning by doing”. Like that, would-be brides and grooms avoid the humiliation of underperforming or even not knowing “how it works” on the big (wedding) night. If a man cares about someone, he should better find an opportunity to develop or polish his lovemaking skills with others before he put himself to the test with his dream girl. A variety of embarrassing events can occur during an act (involving, for example, strange noises, cramps, erectile dysfunctions, or other mishaps), so it is better to have been through these, to be prepared, and to know how to react before they occur when it really matters. Statistics show that sexuality is an impor­tant factor for the well-functioning of romantic partnerships. Like for everything else, cou­ples want this aspect to be handled carefully and respectfully, in order to make it work per­fectly.[1],[2]

In general, one can assume that the more experience someone has (both in terms of the number of partners and of coitus carried out in total), the better. Not only does it help to acquire confidence; versed lovers also have a deeper understanding of the opposite sex, which makes them easier to be around. Women also tend to be better kissers and are usually more accomplished in the bedroom.[3] Furthermore, science shows that, for females, the likeli­hood of attaining an orgasm increases with her sexual experience. No surprise here: The more opportunities she has to experiment and determine what she likes, what she dislikes, what helps her climax, etc., the easier it is for her to communicate her desires and to guide her darling.[4] This means that the couple as a whole benefits from such enhanced skills, even if only one of the two took the time (or liberty) to sharpen them. In other words, foo­ling around before marriage can, under certain circumstances, be regarded as a selfless ges­ture: Knowing that she risks damnation, she still chooses to go through a training process, all for the sake of the pair’s mutual well-being. That is what I call true love!

In addition, what was just mentioned for sex in general is also applicable to specific partners as well. The lack of sexual chemistry with a prospective boyfriend can definitely be a deal-breaker. Hence, intercourse offers a unique opportunity to assess how compatible or com­ple­mentary the two of them are, to find out, and to discuss their respective needs.[5] For instance, a woman can see how concerned her boyfriend is about her happiness and satis­faction, acquiring valuable cues about his flexibility, sensitivity, or tenderness. This infor­ma­tion, in turn, helps to improve visibility into the relationship’s chances of success and its long-term viability. Bearing in mind that sexual mismatch increases the chances of adul­tery and thus of divorce,[6] we conclude, once more, that pre-marital sex is not only good but also advisable.

Young people should, therefore, be encouraged to shop around in order to compare various options and spot the proper partner. “Make mistakes with Mr. Wrong, so that they do not happen with Mr. Right” – that should be the credo. Fortunately, young people have more opportunities than ever before, not least due to advancements in contraception. Modern society tolerates, sometimes even favours, individuals to make choices and decisions.[7] Out of respect for our past generations, who did not have that luxury, we ought to take some liberties and play as much as we can. Women, in particular, have a lot to win from this new freedom; but also to lose if they miss the chance to explore the possibilities. Whereas sex was only there to fulfil their husbands in the past, they can afford to expect much more from the same activity today. Instead of doing it for someone else, she does it for herself. She can finally look into and get pleasure from her sensual side, reconnecting with her femininity.[8]

After a long lecture about the benefits of pre-material sex, the chapter shall conclude with a word of advice. It may be true one cannot speak of a “relationship” as long as the couple has not slept together. After all, romance is indeed based on desire and sexual attraction. How­ever, this does not mean that any of the partners has the right to force or blackmail the other into coition. On no account should one of them accept to make love under threat (e.g., of breaking up) or in exchange for something else (e.g., marriage). Let us never fornicate out of fear. But let us never fear to fornicate.

Related proverbs and citations:

女人不骚,男人不要

nǚrén bù sāo, nán rén bù yào

Men don’t like nice girls.

Body not tainted, woman not sainted. Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.

千军易得,一将难求

qiān jūn yì dé, yī jiāng nán qiú

It is easy to find a thousand soldiers, but hard to find a good general.

熟能生巧

shú néng shēng qiǎo

Practice makes perfect.

Experience can give way to skill.

路是人踏出來的

lù shì rén tà chū lái de

The road is made by people walking on it.

The road to success (or the solution to a problem) is found by engaging into uncharted territory.

 


Notes

[1]    Cited in: Meston / Buss (2009), p. 158

[2]    Kramer / Dunaway (1990), p. 20

[3]    Santagati (2007), p. 264

[4]    Meston / Buss (2009), pp. 158-161

[5]    Brown (2012)

[6]    Buss (2003), pp. 87-88

[7]    Pease / Pease (2009), p. 50

[8]    Gray (1995), p. 5